


A Round Pizza

by nigoi



Category: Gravity Falls, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Bill Cipher Being Bill Cipher, Bill Cipher Falls In Love, Crossover, First Dates, I bring it... the rarest of rare pairs, Love at First Sight, M/M, Rare Pairings, S-Shaped Nails, SpongeBob Is Bill's Type
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nigoi/pseuds/nigoi
Summary: Bill didn't know where he was, or how he got there. What he did know, however, was that he was hungry.The squid, not batting an eyelash, turned around and repeated the order to—Ah.The most marvelous creature laid before his very eyes. Yellow, squared, and with a hat—everything Bill had ever dreamt of and more. The only failing was that he had two eyes, instead of one, but that could be fixed with a bit of... fashioning.





	A Round Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my brother for giving me ideas! Go visit his Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRoESQZ7zDsCo-xDjwCRWSg
> 
>  
> 
> The title comes from this quote: "Pizza always confuses me... It comes in a square box, yet, when you open it, it's round. And when you start eating it, it's a triangle!" I know, I know, it's a very good title.

Bill didn't know where he was, or how he got there.

What he  _did_ know, however, was that he was  _hungry,_  and that there was a... restaurant, or so it seemed, in front of him. Bill narrowed his eye—it didn't look like it was classy, or even that it followed the regulated standards for sanity, but since when had he cared about things like that? Since never, that was!

So, he entered.

_Ugh_ , there was a queue—wait, no, there wasn't. There were only balloons, non-suspiciously shaped like fish. Lucky, am I right? Taking advantage of this serendipity, he approached the cashier, a long-nosed squid porting a frown that could rival Sixer's.

"Can I help you?" the squid asked, eyeing him with disgust. Clearly, not everyone had good taste.

"I'd like a chicken ■■■■■■■■■■," Bill said, and then, never forgetting his modals, " _please_."

The squid, not batting an eyelash, turned around and repeated the order to—

Ah.

The most marvelous creature laid before his very eyes. Yellow, squared, and with a hat—everything Bill had ever dreamt of and more. The only failing was that he had two eyes, instead of one, but that could be fixed with a bit of... fashioning.

"A chicken ■■■■■■■■■■ coming!"

The next he knew, the ■■■■■■■■■■, food that resembled the bastard offspring of a tesseract and a black hole, had been deposited before him. Bill stared at it, and then looked up, at the smiling yellow beauty, and breathed, "I'd like a date."

The alluring god laughed. "I'll check my agenda!"

He opened his agenda, and inside there was a tiny Bill in a very sexy posture. "You have a date with me!" he said, and winked-slash-blinked.

 

\---

 

"...so, this is my bed. I sleep here."

Bill eyed three mattresses and a pillow, and imagined other things to do there that didn't exactly relate to sleeping. The addressee of his thoughts, which he had eventually discovered was called SpongeBob, continued the house tour, oblivious.

"This is my alarm clo—oh, hi, Gary!"

A snail slid slowly across the room, and Bill had an amazing idea.

"Gary is the best, aren't you, Gary? Gary?"

Then, there is a snail no more, but an s-shaped nail.

Best. Idea. Ever.

"Gary!" SpongeBob wailed, rushing to hug his improved pet, who lets out a weak "meow...". Bill isn't one to feel guilty, but when the person you want to do things with starts sobbing in front of you, you'll be hardpressed not to feel  _something_.

(Maybe it wasn't such a great idea, Bill certainly doesn't think, as he snapped his fingers and returned the snail to normal.)

 

\---

 

After the house tour, SpongeBob had the wonderful idea of another tour—this time of his neighbourhood.

"This is Squidward's house," he said when they passed a frankly hideous house shaped like a moai. Suddenly, Spongebob started waving to the window. "Hello, Squidward!" The cashier was staring at them, the same deadpan on his face as before.

Bill decided to be nice.

"Hey!" he greeted, winking. "Did you know ten out of ten squids with shirts end out strangled by their own clothing?"

Squidward drew the curtains. Oh well.

SpongeBob had already started walking towards the next—house, if you could call it so. It was a rock, with no details or elegance. The rock rose, and on its base, there was a fat pink star.

"Hi, Patrick!" Spongebob waved.

The star, apparently called Patrick, lazily waved back. "Hi, SpongeBob. Hi, triangular SpongeBob," he said, and the rock descended again.

 

\---

 

The next stop was a field. Bill didn't see what was special about it, until a bloom of jellyfish dramatically approached, probably with no good intentions. 

Bill glanced at SpongeBob, and he looked ecstatic. It was a good look on him—flushed cheeks, large smile, shiny eyes... If Bill had a mouth, he would have licked his lips.

Suddenly, SpongeBob had two nets. Where had he gotten them from? Bill didn't know, and, frankly, didn't care either. He blinked when Spongebob offered him one, but took it anyway.

Before he had any chance to react, SpongeBob roared fiercely, and threw himself at the jellyfish.

_It's marvelous_ , Bill thought, as he followed him.

The sun fell before they were finished, and when Spongebob stretched and said he had to go, Bill definitely didn't whine. He quite liked catching jellyfish.

"It's late," SpongeBob said, yawning.

Bill handed him a bouquet made with the jellyfish he had caught before and leaned in for a kiss. When SpongeBob made no move to react, he closed the distance between their faces. It was warm, chaste, and Bill had no mouth, so it was more like a face rub, but whatever.

"Good night, darling," he said when the kiss ended.

SpongeBob smiled widely and left with a skip in his step.

When he was no more than a dot in the distance, Bill relaxed and wiped non-existent sweat from his forehead. Phew, this dating thing was  _hard._

But well, it all worked out perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> Omake:
> 
> SpongeBob was deeply asleep.
> 
> SpongeBob was so deeply asleep, he could not even muster up the strength to have dreams—but wait!
> 
> Bill appeared in a burst of flames.
> 
> "Up for a second date?"
> 
> "Yeah!"


End file.
